The Resolution Solution for 2013

We have once again reached that time of year when we reflect on the year that has passed, think ahead of the year to come, and resolve to make an improvement in ourselves, in our lives, or even in our world.

The problem with New Years resolutions is that we only make them once a year. More often than not, we don't follow through on them and by the time December reappears, they are nothing more than a distant memory. According to a study published by The University of Scranton, Journal of Clinical Psychology, only 8% of people are successful in achieving their resolution.

The reality of the situation is that we should be examining ourselves each day and making efforts to improve not only ourselves, but our lives and the world that we live in. Each of us should work on setting sustainable goals and putting a plan in place to meet them. Even more importantly we should revisit these goals daily to see what progress has been made, and where improvement is still needed.

But I digress.

In the world of an Autism parent, resolutions are a year round thing. Whenever a new behavior surfaces, each time a therapist works with my child, and every time I attend an IEP meeting - it all comes down to making resolutions. 

Then New Years Eve rolls around and while my friends are gathering to celebrate, I will be at home with my Aiden. We'll order a pizza, bake cookies, and watch a movie or two. We'll ring in 2013 with the East Coast, at ten o'clock our time, and then off to be he will go. I am not about to destroy his routine for one night of fun.

When he's in bed, I'll scroll through my news feed on Facebook which will inevitably be littered with festive photos of my smiling pals. My friends, dressed to the nines, looking beautiful and glamorous, will be partying and having the time of their lives. I'll feel envious of the fun they are having, but only momentarily because I have learned to embrace the life I have been given. I am content being at home with my little man while everyone else is out drinking and dancing the night away.

I have learned over the last few years not only to truly appreciate the little things, but also what it is in my life that holds value and what doesn't. My friends mean the world to me and I enjoy a night out with them just as much as the next girl. BUT, I also know that this New Year is no different or any more important than the one that came before it or the one that will follow. A different calendar will hang on the wall. I might continue using 2012 when I write the date for a week or two. But overall, everything will remain as it is. The holiday doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me and I would rather spend the night with my monkey than be out celebrating.

Don't get me wrong. 

Celebrations make life exciting and for most, this is an excellent opportunity to have a good time.

I'm not opposed to New Year Resolutions. In my opinion, anytime you make the choice to try and  better yourself somehow, it's a good thing.

My point is that maybe we would be better off making that choice before or after the start of a new year. We would be better off if we measured our success by keeping tabs on our progress, every single day. It's about constantly striving to be better than you were the day before,

Set a daily reminder on your phone, to keep your goals front and center. Write them down on post-it notes and put them up in your bedroom, on a mirror, anywhere you will be sure to see them each morning. Your chances of success are much higher if you have a constant reminder. It will intensify your motivation.

If you haven't guessed yet, I have no resolution for the New Year, but I do have three that I made many months ago and one that I added last month. The following are the things that I focus on every single day and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

My Resolutions To Live By

• Be the best Mom that I can be to Aiden. Love him, praise him, nurture him, and encourage him. Watch the things I say not only to him, but in front of him. Lead by example. Raise him to be an honest, hardworking, respectful man with integrity and a giving spirit. Tell him every day...every hour if possible... just how much I love him. Shower him with hugs and kisses. Make sure he knows that he can do ANYTHING that he puts his heart and his mind into. Make sure he knows how much of a blessing he is.
• Be the best person that I can be - for myself. Be the kind of girl who handles herself with class and grace. Don't be drawn in to petty drama. Don't cuss like a sailor. Do things that make me happy and make use of my talents. Have a generous heart and a giving spirit. Be compassionate to all people and always do what I can to help them out. Smile as much as possible. Keep a positive state of mind and always keep moving forward.
• Raise Autism Awareness & Support the ASD Community! I continue to run the page and this blog for very specific reasons. As much as I love to see our number of friends increase, it isn't a popularity contest for me. To me, it's about interacting with every person who has become a friend of our page. It's about setting misconceptions straight. It's about reaching out to those who feel alone and letting them know that they aren't. It's about new friendships, support, and lending a helping hand.
• Help lots tons of autism families! Being able to play a small part in helping other families this year only made my desire to help grow stronger! It was a great start but next year is going to be HUGE! To Autism, With Love will focus on providing assistance, support, and resources to families in need. I am ready to launch and praying for this to be wildly successful! 

THE CHALLENGE:
Try something new in 2013 and nix the New Years resolution. Instead make a list of Resolutions to Live By. Find a way to keep them in your mind at all times. Set reminders, make notes, do whatever it takes to set yourself up for success.

CREATE YOUR LIST BY JANUARY 15, 2013
Once you have created your list, please share with us through a Facebook message or through email. We will share the lists starting in February and the one we find to be the most inspiring, will win a prize!

Happy New Year to our Army! May your children have a happy year, filled with progress! May you have a low-stress year full of love and happiness! May those who are not affected by Autism, come to understand and accept it, without pity and without fear. May 2013 be filled with blessings for you and your family!

Together, we will raise a TON of Autism Awareness in 2013. It's going to be an awesome year.Thank you all for supporting our Army in 2012.

With Love,

Amanda

The 4 Most Popular Autism Myths - Debunked!

When Aiden was 2, we both ended up in the ER to be screened for carbon monoxide poisoning after a gas leak in our home. As the nurse prepared to draw blood from Aiden's arm, she suddenly stopped and turned her attention to me.

"Who told you that he has autism? Why would you think that? He's too young to be diagnosed." She crossed her arms and looked at me critically.

"A team of professionals who specialize in Autism." I replied.

"Hmmm. You may want a second opinion because he isn't even old enough to be diagnosed with Autism." There was a long pause. "And," she said very matter of factly, "he makes eye contact and seems to be very affectionate with you. He doesn't have autism."

I was stunned and had to take a minute to gather my thoughts. "Well, I disagree with you. I don't think that you've read the most up-to-date information on Autism. It's not a one-size-fits-all condition!"

As a mom, I spent hours upon hours researching the subject after Aiden was diagnosed. I must have spent two full months trying to understand what had now become a huge part of our lives. It was vital that I knew what I was up against before going into battle. Unless you and your family are somehow affected by autism, there isn't a reason to spend that kind of time researching the condition. It's difficult to distinguish fact from fiction when you aren't given the right information.

There are so many misconceptions and myths about autism that I could probably write a whole book on that topic alone. But lets make this short & sweet. Here are The 4 Most Popular Autism Myths - Debunked:

Myth #1 People with autism don't make eye contact.

WRONG! Aiden is the champion of making eye contact, but it wasn't always that way. Lack of eye contact was one of the first indications that he had autism. He used to be disconnected and oblivious to everything that was going on around him. With time, and lots and lots of therapy, he learned to cope with his discomfort and maintain eye contact whenever it's necessary. Social interaction is very challenging for a person with autism, but many individuals can learn the skills needed to overcome this obstacle. So while inability to make or sustain eye contact is a symptom of autism, it's not a requirement.

Myth #2 People with autism aren't affectionate.

Aiden was not an affectionate baby. He didn't want to be touched, hugged, or kissed. However, he is now one of the most loving and affectionate kids I've ever met. Just this morning, Aiden came up to me and gave me the biggest squishy (Aiden speak for a hug).

"I love you more than cookies and milk." he said in his baby voice. "You're the best mama in the world."

Showing physical affection can be extremely difficult for children with autism. Some are very sensitive to touch which makes direct contact with others very uncomfortable for them. With a lot of time, work, and patience, bonds and affection can be achieved.

Myth # 3 Autism is caused by bad parenting.

No, no, no, no. no!!! As an Autism Mom, this one annoys me to no end. Sigmund Freud believed that almost all psychological issues stemmed from trauma in early childhood. Autism was considered to be a mental illness at that point in history (we now know that it is neurological), and that would make it reasonable to assume that it too was caused by trauma. Even though research has since proved this theory wrong, it continues to haunt those affected by autism.

There are good parents. There are bad parents. There are parents who care too much and parents who don't care enough. Some kids with autism have good parents and others were stuck with the bad ones. Autism is not caused by the quality (or lack thereof!) of parenting, although I'm sure it does have a HUGE impact on how the child progresses.

Myth # 4 Autism can be outgrown.

Autism isn't like a pair of shoes. It isn't something that one can outgrow, but it can be treated and managed with the proper therapy. Some opt to use different diets or medicine to control symptoms, while others rely on therapy alone. Whatever the case may be, autism is a lifelong condition for which there currently is no cure. Although there are most certainly children who appear to "outgrow" their autism as their symptoms recede or change entirely, the underlying condition remains and symptoms can reappear at any given time.

Autism Moms: SOUND OFF!!! Which one of these myths annoys you the most?

The 5 Best Things About Being an Autism Mom (or Dad)

T minus 5 days & Counting 

Every Autism Mom knows that the Autism life isn't all rainbows, butterflies, & cotton candy. Between doctors appointments (neurologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, developmental or nutritional pediatricians, etc.), therapy (ABA, Play, Floor, Speech, Occupational, Physical, Feeding, etc.), and dealing with meltdowns, sensory issues, dietary concerns, learning difficulties, social problems, communication problems, and any other crazy thing that might arise, we don't have much time for ourselves. 

There are days when Aiden is in sync with any other child his age and because of that, life is simple, relaxing, and happy.Then there are THOSE days when he decides to unleash his wrath on anyone who happens to get in his way. THOSE days are filled with anxiety, sadness, frustration, and sometimes helplessness. It can be a very taxing lifestyle and some days I want nothing more than to have a normal (whatever that is) existence. The feeling is short lived and I snap out of it pretty quickly. 

They say that anything worth having is never easy, and that applies to parenting a child with Autism. I wouldn't trade Aiden or this life for anything in the world! Even though it's very stressful, there are some pretty cool things about being an Autism mom. 

Here are what I consider to be the best things about being an Autism Mom:

5) The Holiday Feast - More For Me!

I remember when I was a little girl there was always some kind of argument over the last slice of Pumpkin Pie at Thanksgiving or the one remaining dinner roll during Christmas dinner. Since Autism brought Picky Eater Syndrome along as it's sidekick (they seem to be partners in crime), Thanksgiving and Christmas meals are plentiful. My little man eats the same few foods, over and over and over again and traditional holiday fare does not trip his trigger. I despise Aiden's pickiness most of the year, but the holidays are a totally different story! His pickiness means that there is more yummy food for me... and I'm all right with that! 

4) Vacation Perks That Make Typical Mom Jealous

The last time Aiden's dad and I went to Disneyland, it was a week before Halloween and the place was PACKED! There were so many people that you couldn't see the pavement in front of you. We recently became aware of how amazing Disney is at accommodating children with autism. Simply ask your doctor to write a letter indicating that your child has autism and present the letter to Guest Services. They will in turn give you a pass to make life at Disney a little easier. The pass that you receive is dependent on the disability and level of accommodation needed. This usually means you don't have to wait in line for rides or shows. Cast Members will help you find a quick escape to a quiet place in the event that your child has a major meltdown. There are some pretty impressive perks that you can take advantage of as an Autism Mom (or Dad!) and I recommend that if you have the means to do it, do it! No waiting, escape routes for meltdowns, and Cast Members who are willing to do just about anything to make sure you enjoy your visit. I'll take that over the vacation without the perks any day of the week!

3) Life is NEVER Boring When Autism is Involved

A Saturday morning family breakfast where the entire clan is chowing down on eggs, bacon, biscuits, gravy, sausage, and pancakes.

A one hour trip to the mall with only a little bit of whining from the kids. They stop as soon as you give them "The Look" and the rest of the trip is whine-free and uneventful.

A fun day out with other mommy friends and their kiddos. A trip to the zoo, a museum, or an amusement park.

A monthly romantic dinner date with your honey while the kid(s) are at home with your teenage niece who loves to babysit.

Sounds pretty normal right? Well it's not my normal and I'm guessing that if you are reading my blog, it probably isn't your normal either.

Family breakfast is just breakfast. Aiden eats carbs and dairy exclusively, so it's usually a frozen Gogurt and toast for him and I grab a piece of fruit as we head out the door to get him to school.

There are no hour-long trips to the mall. Whining would be a JOY for this mom. In the whining childs place we will insert Aiden on a bad day: angry, screaming, pouting, kicking, spitting, biting, and when he's in that state of mind, it can last for hours upon hours. Unless the trip is aimed to please him and him alone, I do my best to fly solo when hitting the mall.

Outings are impossible for the same reasons  but it's more painful because the friends with "typical" children relax because their kids are doing as they are told and even though most are hyper, they have self control. On the other hand yours is on the floor, kicking, screaming, and spitting. Becoming upset each and every time somebody diverts from his very narrow plan of action. It's a lonely feeling.

Weekly dates are also non-existent because very few people that I have met are even trustworthy enough to leave Aiden with. Truth be told, I don't think most people would know what to do during a hardcore meltdown.... Heck, there are still times when I don't know what to do when that happens!

These things might  all seem to be negative, but one thing they aren't is boring! And really, it's not so bad. In any one of the situations above I have felt flustered, stressed, and outright crushed, but when I look at the bigger picture it's pretty exciting! I've learned what we can and can not do as a family. And when I think about it, normal would drive me nuts! I'm used to our crazy, hectic, never predictable life! If everything was neat, tidy, clear cut, and wrapped up in a bow I would go insane! You learn to love the life you've been given. Our chaos is beautiful and it keeps us on our toes.

2) TV is an acceptable babysitter hobby for your child

TV is the ONE and only thing that has always worked to help Aiden put an end to a severe meltdown. Even when he was a baby, the only thing that would ever soothe him during a marathon screaming fit was the television. I used to thank God every day for the invention of Baby Einstein! In the typical family, too much TV will "rot your brain" and it's something that many people I know shun. In the autism family, it's necessity. I've had several doctors and therapists agree with that observation - at least in Aiden's case. It can also be used as a learning tool, it can be a bridge that will help you to connect with your child, and it might even help the child link his internal world and the external world together.

1) Autism has made me a better person

I've always had a big heart and had compassion for others, but after the Autism diagnosis, I've grown in ways that I never thought possible. I see the world from a new perspective and am much more open minded as a person. I now can empathize with individuals who have any kind of disability, which ultimately molded me into generous person who enjoys giving to those who are less fortunate than myself.

Aiden has helped me to see that speaking is not the only way to interact  with people. In fact there are many other forms of communication that can be much more powerful! He has opened my eyes to details in the world around us. Details that I would have overlooked before. Details that make this world a more beautiful place to live in.

Autism has made me realize that life is not about the tomorrows, but is really about the todays. Today's successes. Today's accomplishments. Today's victories. Tomorrow may be a continuation of success or it may be full of failures and regression. As an Autism Mom, you need to be prepared for ANYTHING, because the Autism Train can be one wild ride! We should focus on our child's strengths and celebrate our child's achievements religiously, no matter how big or small. Things change from day to day when Autism is involved, and that's exactly how we have to live our life. Day by day. You can plan your future finances, your future career goals, but you can not plan the future for a child with Autism. I do my best to enjoy the beautiful moments of today and hope for more tomorrow, but I go with the flow and take life as it comes.

Autism has helped me to find patience. Patience that was buried so deep down inside of me that I didn't think it existed. Autism has helped me to become the person I always wanted to be. Sure, there are times when I am envious of parents who have their typical kids and their typical lives, but if I ever was given an opportunity to switch places, I would have to politely decline. The Autism life can be crazy, but it's now what I call home.

I'm dying to know YOUR 5 favorite things about being an Autism mom! Please follow our blog and share your Top 5 in the comment box below!