I Walk...

I walk for my sweet Aiden.

I walk because I love you more than words can ever say. You were my precious little surprise. The piece that was missing from my life. When you came into the world, I was complete for the very first time. I never knew how empty my existence was before you were born, You, my little miracle, are everything I never knew I always wanted.

I remember the day we brought you home from the hospital. After you were born, we spent twelve agonizing days waiting for you to come home and when the day finally came, we were elated. Daddy drove about 25 mph the entire way, raving about crazy drivers the whole time. At long last, we arrived. Once we were inside of our apartment, Daddy set your car seat on the floor and we stood there in silence for a very long time, just staring at you. I finally confessed to your Dad that I didn't know what to do now that we had you home. We had waited such a very long time for this moment but once it arrived, we were clueless.

Turned out, I had nothing to worry about. You and I settled into a comfortable routine and I was amazed at the intensity of the love I felt for you. I would spend hours just holding you in my arms. I would stare at your tiny little fingers and toes. Your perfect nails were so tiny and thin! I would run my fingers very softly over your face, memorizing the slope of your nose and the curve of your chin. Your beautiful eyelashes were long, dark, and thick and when you would open your eyes after a nap, they would bat wildly and your lips would purse. You were the most perfect creature I had ever laid eyes on.

I walk because I know how painful it is to hear the words, "Your child has autism." When you were diagnosed at the age of 2, my heart broke into a million pieces. I had already known in my heart for quite some time, but hearing the words was something I could have never been prepared for. My world came crashing down as I began to see a future that was completely uncertain. I had the dream, as every mother does, that you would have a blissfully happy life complete with a thriving career, a beautiful family, and a dog frolicking in the backyard. When you were diagnosed with ASD, it felt as if my dreams for you would never come to fruition. 

I know now, that you are every bit as capable as you were before the diagnosis of fulfilling those dreams... possibly even more so. The future is still filled with uncertainty, but I can give you the tools and skills that you need to overcome your weaknesses. I can support you and love you and teach you how to be an honorable, hard-working man.The rest is up to you, my precious son. 

I walk for families living with or affected by autism.

I walk because I want other parents to feel the hope that has replaced my despair. There will still be plenty of days where it all seems to be too much. Days when the realization that your child has autism hits you all over again and so does heartbreak. The tribulations will sometimes outweigh the victories, and there will be times when you are moving backward even though you desperately want to be moving forward. Just know that triumphant moments lie ahead. Live in the moment, savor each victory, and continue to strive for the next. Every victory, no matter how small, is the fuel that will keep you going.